Friendship Bi-Polar

I have recently been thinking about life, people, and just generally having a think (it severely hurt my brain). I came to the realisation that some people can both help and hinder your life. There are a number of people that I know who both bring me intense happiness, but also make me feel so incredibly sad. I have come to call this phenomena 'friendship bi-polar'.

Friendship bi-polar is an odd experience. You have these friends who you can't let go from your life even though they have the ability to ruin it on a daily basis. They are like a drug you can't stop taking. You feel that if you let this person go you are losing a part of yourself. But why can you not stop being friends with this person? If, like me, you can make friends fairly easily, losing one friend isn't too big a deal. But yet these friends have a constant grip on you and you find it impossible to leave. It's like mental abuse where when it's someone else you are sat screaming 'WHY ARE YOU NOT LEAVING THEM'.

If, like I have previously, you get away from one of these friends, make the break and cut all ties, you are left with this empty space, but one that leaves you a lot happier than you were before. It is always weighing up the good and the bad in these friends, and seeing if making your life partially miserable is worth it, or if you'd rather be miserable that they are no longer in your life.

I have suffered from friendship bi-polar since I have been about 10 years old. I am not sure how I attract these friends, but once I let them in I find it so very hard to let them go, despite the effects they have on my mental capacity and my health. I almost find sometimes that if some form of friendship rehab was available I would be there in a shot. Taking a complete break from the world and the people who confuse you on a daily basis and make your life miserable and agitated.

Most people are probably wondering why if I am thinking and complaining about people why I am friends with them still, but it is not that simple. I physically can't stop myself, and sometimes I'd rather be with someone who makes me sad than not have them in my life at all. I guess I will be suffering from friendship bi-polar for a number of years to come.